"This is a letter I wrote to my unborn daughter who was diagnosed with severe hydrocephalus."
My little Reagan,
"Your life is your masterpiece.. Not your body." I thought of you when I read this quote. We don't know what the future holds for you.. We don't know what challenges are ahead. There is a chance that you might not ever look like others, think or talk like others...
I want you to know that's okay.
I want you just the way you are.
We recently spoke to a pediatric neurologist and he told us to give you an enriching life full of interaction, music and experiences.. And that we can't measure your potential... No one can.
"Your body is an instrument not an ornament." It's a vehicle to experience life.
I want you to feel joy, peace fulfillment (and pain is okay to feel too... ). I want you to experience it all.
Right now I can see you in my mind with your brothers in irrigation boots feeding sheep. I can picture the satisfaction on your face as you do this day after day and watch them grow because of your labor.
I can't wait to see you try and try At something to the point of wanting to give up but as you keep pushing and trying... Seeing you finally get it! Raegan.. No matter what challenges lay ahead the one thing that gives me hope is that in our family we have grit.. It's in your genes. It's who you are. We don't give up and we find a a different way and then a different way again and again. Again, No one can measure your potential.. Not me, not Dad, not the doctors.. It's ok to struggle..that is how you will grow.
My sweet little Reagan... The most physically beautiful people I've ever seen were that way because of the light around them. I remember in college there was a young man paralyzed in a wrestling accident that left him hardly able to move his body. But there was something about him.. There was an audible light around him that could not be denied. He could hardly move but his being shined through. He was funny and witty. Strangers flocked around him... There was something he had that we all wanted. A few years later I met a lady that had a child with special needs. She said every time she looked at him she saw heaven. Raegan, this women had that light. During church I would just stare at her because I had never seen someone's essence shine through like hers..
Reagan, I can already tell there is something special about your spirit.. I've felt that when your dad and I began to pray about having you. You are wanted, you were planned for, struggled for and you are loved... So many people love you.
I can picture someone having a bad day and something about your light.. About your love, brightens them.
I can picture the first time you taste delicious food, touch the ocean, hold a baby and see something that takes your breath away... This world has so much to experience and savor.. No matter how we come.
Someone needs your smile, your ideas, your contributions, your light... Even if that somebody is me, your mom.
Life is not meant to lived distracted by weight, appearance, achievements...Nor what package you come in I hope you realize life is meant to be experienced, savored and truly lived. And because of you my sweet girl..I will give up the distractions that have weighed me down and start experiencing life.. All of it.