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Utah Mom Chooses Life After Rape

  • Callie, Utah mother
  • 05/14/2020

My name is Callie (named changed for privacy). I was born and raised in Utah and I’m a momma to a beautiful baby girl.

When I was 15, I met a guy who ticked every box. He was a dream and quite frankly, he seemed too good to be true. This is because he was too good to be true. My naïve mind saw an older (19-year-old) man who bought me gifts and spoiled me with love. However, a few months after dating him, he became controlling. It started little… he wouldn’t let me wear certain things and encouraged me (before forcing me) to delete all my social media. Then it grew. He wouldn’t let me eat without him. I had to tell him any time I was showering or watching TV. Then it evolved further than I ever imagined. He would come home and take his frustrations out on me with his fists. He became frustrated that I wouldn’t sleep with him. He would force me to perform sexual acts on him. One night, when I decided I would finally leave, he raped me while I was fighting my way out the door.  Three weeks later the pregnancy test came out positive.

I had never considered the morality of abortion but always assumed that of course it was ok because it was legal and everyone I knew said women have the right to abort.
I never thought about it.
When I fell pregnant from rape in an abusive relationship, it crossed my mind.
But now it was ME who was pregnant. Abortion just felt... different to me. When I thought about it, I would get a sick feeling in my stomach. I didn’t want a reminder of what happened. I didn’t want to be tied to this man who tortured and took advantage of me. I sure as hell did not want to be a mom!
Abortion was the easy answer.
It was OBVIOUS.  I’m a 16-year-old girl. How can I support a baby? 
Abortion was the “right choice for me”. This is what I’d learned from feminism and everything I’d seen in the media.
Abortion was the “right choice?... so why did it feel so wrong?
Regardless of this feeling, I set up an appointment at Planned Parenthood because it was just the easy thing to do.
Without a dime to my name, I stole the credit card of my ex and hitched a ride to Planned Parenthood.
I felt cold the whole ride there. There was an enormous pit in my stomach.
They checked me in and took me in for an ultrasound.

I was expecting kind people who wanted the best for me.
But they were just as cold as I felt.   It didn’t seem like they wanted to help me.  It seemed as though they wanted to sell me an abortion.

They wouldn’t let me see the ultrasound. All I could think is, why? I was 10 weeks along. It’s “just a clump of cells”, WHY won’t you let me see??
Nothing about it seemed right. I asked for resources but was offered nothing.

I set up an appointment with an OBGYN not knowing she was pro-life.
Not only did she show me my 12-week-old baby, but she showed me love.
That night, I looked up what an abortion looked like. I looked up how many abortions have happened.

And I cried for HOURS. After I was done crying, I puked ... not from pregnancy. I was sick from what I’d seen.

What my child’s father did was wrong.
I didn’t deserve to be raped.
But my baby definitely didn’t deserve to die because of what her father did.
My greatest blessing and the best opportunity was having my baby.
When I fell pregnant I thought, “I don’t deserve this” but then when I held my child in my arms I thought, “what did I do to deserve this beautiful girl?”!
When rape is brought up remember this story.  Rape is wrong. Abortion is worse. Babies are blessings in ANY case.
My daughter saved my life.
My daughter IS my life.
My daughter DESERVES life.

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